matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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