...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
