The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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