You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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