I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
