Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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