His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
