If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
