I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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