Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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