If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
