DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
