Duck Duck Cougar?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
