fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
