and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
