What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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