I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
