i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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