you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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