At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
