Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
