Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
