I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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