Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
