wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
