I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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