if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
