I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
