Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
