I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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