My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
