If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
