LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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