look no pants
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
