At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
