saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
