Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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