I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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