I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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