We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
