Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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