Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
