dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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