I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
