you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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