We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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