I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
