Apparently you make a good broom.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
