Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
