Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
