Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
