I bet he comes in French.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
