i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
