Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
