you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
