Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
