your parents love me but you hate me
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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