I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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