watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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