i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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