my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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