So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
